Posts tagged Weird

Question : I think I have a weird eating disorder
i really cant stand living like this anymore. no money for any sort of fancy eating disorder hospital or even outpatient treatment. so i have to turn to what i can afford…the internet.

anyway…here are my symptoms. i think i have a weird eating disorder because i think about food all day and all night. i cant sleep the night through anymore because i wake up at 5 am (on the dot) to do light calorie burning exercises. each morning when i get up (im on summer break from school) i get on my tony little gazelle after i make an incredibly strong pot of coffee. i stay on my gazelle for 90 minutes. then i get on my elliptical for my 30 minutes.

i know it looks like i have a lot of stupid time on my hands but i do have a job, im a home aide and i work two hours at night and two hours every morning for my patient.

when im finished working in the morn, thats when i get on my gazelle. anyway…

after that, i drink coffee until i get so hungry i break down and eat at about 1pm. i sometimes eat a lot, or a little. then i run some errands (thinking about the food i ate the whole damn time) and come home and get back on my gazelle. then about 6pm i do this extreme workout that leaves me weak and tired. but after my remaining two hours of work, i head home and get back on my gazelle (even though im exhausted from my extreme workout i did but a few hours earlier) and stay on it. sometimes until 1am in the morning.

sometimes i have good days and bad days. my whole life and moods are completely based around what i eat and how much time i can spend trying to burn off everything i have eaten.

i try and try to purge, but it doesnt work. so i go and try to burn it all off. but its never enough because i usually eat again. and again. and all kinds of fattening foods. and i hate myself so much everyday.

i try to sit down. i try to tell myself ‘you worked out twice today, its ok if you just sit down’. but then once i do, i get overwhelmed with anxiety and i HAVE to get back on my gazelle.

i think this isnt normal bulimia or anorexia (i used to be anorexic, 4 years ago but i lost complete control and am now 20 pounds heavier than i was at my lowest weight). im still in normal weight range, im not overweight at all. a lot of ppl say im really skinny. but i dont like the way i look at all. i want to be anorexic again but my body has a mind of its own and if i lose any weight at all…i end up bingeing. even if im trying to do it the healthy way.

how can i change? how can i just eat smaller portions? im just so used to eating tons and going to burn it off. but this cant go on. i never go anywhere except my job. i cant have fun because i feel like i need to be on my gazelle.

hell, when i drink alcohol…im on my gazelle! i have to burn off the alchol calories. im the only drunk person, at 2 am in the morning, trying to burn off her buzz.

ive lost it.

does anyone have any advice? what should i do? any books i should read that might help me? i want to change. but not get fat. i cant get fat. but i dont want to live like this anymore.

thank you all so much for leaving comments.
i will take your advice and see what i can do about getting some kind of help. perferably out–patient. i dont think im anorexic, though. thats what is so weird about all this…i do eat LOTS! today I ate 6 inch sub. with mayo. and cheese. and chips. i eat normally, i think, but i just get obsessive about having to burn it all off. im thinking about food now. and how ive been on this computer for a freaking hour now. i have to go get on my gazelle. thanks again, everyone.
eating disorder hospitals

Best answer:

Answer by Sean F
Dear girl / boy you need to see a doctor now. You are clearly not eating enough and exercising far too much.