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Posts tagged Critique
Any writing critique?
01 year ago
Question : Any writing critique?
So, I’m working on a short story. The formatting is a little strange on yahoo answers. I’m just getting started, but I would appreciate any and all critique on what I have so far:
The ground itself appeared to be bleeding. Crimson leaves cascaded across the landscape, fluttering atop the overgrown property. An intangible sense of loss filled the air, seeping up the narrow drive towards the faded white house – a house that was once a home. The walls were badly chipped; paint flecks curled away from the wood. The front door seemed to hang on its hinges, knocking gently in the wind.
A mechanical whirr intruded upon the mourning of the land. A bulldozer, painted in shades of garish orange, was crawling towards the small house. Every flower, every tree, every bush and vine, seemed to whisper with indignation. After years of neglect, it was the greenery that had taken possession of the estate, playing gatekeeper to the memories built there over the years. Helpless now, the rhododendrons shed their dewdrop tears freely. And those crimson leaves, the blood of a fatal wound, continued to flow.
This scene, tragic in its desolation, would not have been found so many years ago. The walls of the small house, now dilapidated, once stood glossy and new. Within their confines, a family lived.
“Mangiare,” Paula Julia Rossi Porter declared, lifting her glass into the air. Laughter echoed across the room, melding with the delicate clinking of silverware. Upon her word, every guest had begun to eat. The spread of food, smelling strongly of both garlic and tomatoes, reached from one end of the long table to the other; a sumptuous feast was the perfect pretext for a family gathering.
Paula sat at the head of the table. Streaks of grey now lined her black hair, and the pronounced lines around her eyes had grown along with her family. It was an easy sacrifice. Her youth was long gone, why should her beauty matter? As Paula gazed at her grandsons, now twelve and fifteen respectively, her eyes burned with distinct pride. An expression of smug contentment stole across her face.
“So,” she started, turning towards the newest addition to her table, her nephew Dino, “Where is your new girl, eh? She not want to come visit us?”
The young man shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “Well, I guess she could come by, if you wouldn’t mind her staying with us for a night…” Dino looked down at his pasta, twisting his fork around repeatedly.
“Of course, Dino. She come stay, we cook her food, she never will leave, eh?” She laughed. It was a rich, throaty sound, unrefined and genuine.
“Fornicators!” Paula charged down the front steps, her sturdy legs moving swiftly. Age had not worn down her vigor; she raised her arm above her head as she ran, brandishing a single kitchen pan. “Fornicators!”
Dino scampered down the drive with his girlfriend in tow, a good twenty feet ahead of Paula. The scantily young woman, half dressed in the brisk night air, glanced fearfully behind her. Bare skin gleamed in the moonlight, a blight on the landscape that only fueled Paula’s burning rage.
“You fornicate in my home! You no longer welcome, fornicators!” Her mouth opened in a snarl. Abruptly, she stopped, watching their figures retreat into the darkness. She placed one hand across her heaving chest, and tilted her head upwards, gazing at the stars. “Pah, Jesus help you.”
pride lift chairs
Best answer:
Answer by Budd
This is very good. Most of the stories you read here are written by 14 year olds with a vampire fixation. It was nice to read something of quality for a change.
can someone critique my persasive essay?
01 year ago
by admin
in Health Care Services
Question : can someone critique my persasive essay?
Is this a good rough draft for my persuasive essay help please?
okay im not sure what exactly is a rough draft …my topic is most americans should not use credit cards.
Even, though credit cards are a convenient form of cash, many people should limit the use of credit cards, and in some condition should not use them at all. Approximately 92.5 million US households own at least one credit card, the average household carry’s 8 thousand dollars credit card debt. Most Americans are not aware of the consequences of credit cards, although credit cards may give you more of an advantage of purchasing with just a plastic card; Credit cards are prone to security issues through online transactions, interest rates, hidden fees and many other applicable fees that go unaware for a long period. As of March 2009, U.S. revolving consumer debt, made up almost entirely of credit card debt, was about $ 950 Billion. In the fourth quarter of 2008, 13.9 percent of consumer disposable income went to service this debt. (Source: U.S. Congress’ Joint Economic Committee, “Vicious Cycle: How Unfair Credit Card Company Practices Are Squeezing Consumers and Undermining the Recovery,” May 2009).
Although credit cards may give you more of an advantage of purchasing with just a plastic card, Credit cards are prone to security issues, especially through online transactions. The number of U.S. identity fraud victims rose 12 percent to 11.1 million adults last year, the highest level since the survey began in 2003. (Source: Javelin Strategy & Research, “Identity Fraud Survey Report,” February 2010). Credit cards numbers can be hacked online and used to the max, leaving you in unmanageable debt. There are many implication of using a plastic card, you are not sure if someone is going to copy you card number down at a restaurant, or what will happen if you lose a wallet. •”Lost or stolen wallets, checkbooks, and credit and debit cards” made up 43 percent of all ID theft incidents in which the “method of access” was known. (Source: Javelin Strategy & Research, February 2009 study.) No one is safe from credit card security issues. The internet is roaming with hackers ready to steal money from a credit card holder. Credit and debit card fraud is the No. 1 fear of Americans in the midst of the global financial crisis. Concern about fraud supersedes that of terrorism, computer and health viruses, and personal safety. (Source: Unisys Security Index: United States, March 2009).
Not only do credit cards create complication, they also impose hidden fees, interest rates, and late fees. Late fees are given to costumers for over drafting or late payments, which can range for 14 to 40 dollars depending on your provider. Having a credit card comes with many responsibilities like paying bills on time, most people are caught up with other bills and because of the bad economy in this day in age, it is hard to get every bill paid. In the last 12 months, 15 percent of American adults, or nearly 34 million people, have been late making a credit card payment and 8 percent (18 million people) have missed a payment entirely. (Source: National Foundation for Credit Counseling, 2009 Financial Literacy Survey, April 2009). When a credit card holder falls behind on one payment, paying in the future is even harder, then you find yourself in a debt hole. Interest rates are given by the bank to the cardholder for various reasons like borrowing money. Credit cards companies are allowed to increase their interest by 20 percent, this increase can happen at any given time going unnoticed by the cardholder. Slightly more than half of Americans — 51 percent — said that in the past 12 months, they carried over a balance and was charged interest on a credit card. (Source: “Financial Capability in the United States,” FINRA Investor Education Foundation, December 2009).
national foundation for credit counseling
Best answer:
Answer by Sukanya
Very well written. I might as well take it down in case I need help. Should I ? The copyright will be yours. Don’t you worry.
Anyway, your write-up is excellent. Loved the way you combined language with statistics. I totally agree with you on the fact that keeping credit cards might burden you with debt, and the longer you take to pay it, the harder do things become for you.
The first line of the second paragraph was rather repetitive. You could replace it with some other sentence.
