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I think I have a weird eating disorder
Question : I think I have a weird eating disorder
i really cant stand living like this anymore. no money for any sort of fancy eating disorder hospital or even outpatient treatment. so i have to turn to what i can afford…the internet.
anyway…here are my symptoms. i think i have a weird eating disorder because i think about food all day and all night. i cant sleep the night through anymore because i wake up at 5 am (on the dot) to do light calorie burning exercises. each morning when i get up (im on summer break from school) i get on my tony little gazelle after i make an incredibly strong pot of coffee. i stay on my gazelle for 90 minutes. then i get on my elliptical for my 30 minutes.
i know it looks like i have a lot of stupid time on my hands but i do have a job, im a home aide and i work two hours at night and two hours every morning for my patient.
when im finished working in the morn, thats when i get on my gazelle. anyway…
after that, i drink coffee until i get so hungry i break down and eat at about 1pm. i sometimes eat a lot, or a little. then i run some errands (thinking about the food i ate the whole damn time) and come home and get back on my gazelle. then about 6pm i do this extreme workout that leaves me weak and tired. but after my remaining two hours of work, i head home and get back on my gazelle (even though im exhausted from my extreme workout i did but a few hours earlier) and stay on it. sometimes until 1am in the morning.
sometimes i have good days and bad days. my whole life and moods are completely based around what i eat and how much time i can spend trying to burn off everything i have eaten.
i try and try to purge, but it doesnt work. so i go and try to burn it all off. but its never enough because i usually eat again. and again. and all kinds of fattening foods. and i hate myself so much everyday.
i try to sit down. i try to tell myself ‘you worked out twice today, its ok if you just sit down’. but then once i do, i get overwhelmed with anxiety and i HAVE to get back on my gazelle.
i think this isnt normal bulimia or anorexia (i used to be anorexic, 4 years ago but i lost complete control and am now 20 pounds heavier than i was at my lowest weight). im still in normal weight range, im not overweight at all. a lot of ppl say im really skinny. but i dont like the way i look at all. i want to be anorexic again but my body has a mind of its own and if i lose any weight at all…i end up bingeing. even if im trying to do it the healthy way.
how can i change? how can i just eat smaller portions? im just so used to eating tons and going to burn it off. but this cant go on. i never go anywhere except my job. i cant have fun because i feel like i need to be on my gazelle.
hell, when i drink alcohol…im on my gazelle! i have to burn off the alchol calories. im the only drunk person, at 2 am in the morning, trying to burn off her buzz.
ive lost it.
does anyone have any advice? what should i do? any books i should read that might help me? i want to change. but not get fat. i cant get fat. but i dont want to live like this anymore.
thank you all so much for leaving comments.
i will take your advice and see what i can do about getting some kind of help. perferably out–patient. i dont think im anorexic, though. thats what is so weird about all this…i do eat LOTS! today I ate 6 inch sub. with mayo. and cheese. and chips. i eat normally, i think, but i just get obsessive about having to burn it all off. im thinking about food now. and how ive been on this computer for a freaking hour now. i have to go get on my gazelle. thanks again, everyone.
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Best answer:
Answer by Sean F
Dear girl / boy you need to see a doctor now. You are clearly not eating enough and exercising far too much.
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#2 written by easily_amused 1 year ago
You remind me of my sister who was in abusive relationship. All she does is drink coffee and watch her weight. I know she needs a psychiatrist, but she won’t go. She just keeps going through the men and the coffee. Maybe you are overly obsessed with yourself. Try concentrating on other people for awhile and burn that energy on them and their needs. But see a doctor. That can’t be healthy.
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#3 written by Gerrimurphy 1 year ago
You are very smart in asking and seeking for help. There is help for you.
There are some great books that will help you with whatever it is that is
causing this distress in your life…Your self image has been distorted by something. Also some compulsive behavior involved. Since you sound very smart I will tell you to get this book I got, will help you see life from a different prespective and with new thoughts. If you will feed your mind with new thoughts and healthy images, you can and will overcome this bad habit you have gotten into. You have to start with new habits and new thinking patterns that will direct you to a better way of life….Lots of great examples and information in these books !
You can get Michael Murphy’s books online at this website.
The personalized books is awesom with your own name throughout the book. Written not only for you but to you.. You will see the difference in your beharior patterns if you get into these books.
I love mine and take my personalized one everywhere I go .
It will change your life to read this daily and set up new patterns for yourself..Believe me I know this works ! Get one for yourself and see what happens..It is a great investment and a keepsake also…
Here is where you can get these books: -
#4 written by Ryan M 1 year ago
Hello,
I’m 17 years old and I’ve got learned about this in heath class, you have an eating disorder for sure!
I strongly suggest you pick up a copy of Canada’s food guide ant eat exactly what it tells you to for you’re age! Also exercise is great for you’re body how ever it needs the right amount of fuel and you’re not giving it enough!
You’re body will get really weak and just slowly shut down if its not been treated right
Please help you’re self and do as I’ve instructed.
Also cardio work outs are ok to do as much as you can handle! But mules work out must only be done 3 times a week keep that in mind!
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#5 written by hyp_coach 1 year ago
I don’t diagnose disorders, but work with clients suffering from them. You should see a doctor asap… the damage you are doing to your body, metabolism, self-esteem, etc, will have lasting effect if you don’t deal with it immediately. If you once had anorexia, it has just switched to a different form of controlling behaviors. (by the way, “behaviors” are things we do, actions. they aren’t judgements)
I know you said you can’t afford a clinic, but do you have medical insurance coverage? You will need professional help coping with this issue.
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#6 written by Danielmcfate 1 year ago
My advice is to seek professional help with a counselor. Yes, it will cost you some money but it is worth it in the long run. While I am no expert on eating disorders, I do feel you are still in the grips of anorexia. Certainly eating a balanced diet of healthy food will help with your weight, but it will unlikely do anything to control your obsessive thoughts. I’d be curious to know the onset of your eating disorder and what was happening in your life at the time.
If you want to change your life, seek a competent therapist. -
#10 written by Shawna L 1 year ago
money can’t be an issue.
my aunt was liek this, my mother, and myself.
you need to go, this is your life.
this isn’t about money, trust me, you don’t see it now, but you can die from this.
it has happened and very well could be you next.
i’m not trying to scare you but think about your family, could you stand knowing how much pain you’ll put them through when you all the sudden die and they find out you have been doing this to yourself?i didn’t see why it was such a big deal when i was doing what you were. i knew there was a little problem, and that it wasn’t normal to be this obsessive but i didn’t want to go to the hospital, and my family didn’t have alot of money.
but you nkow what i did it, and i went through the treatment and my life is great again.please don’t compare money with your life.
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#11 written by AsylumX 1 year ago
you aren’t eating enough at all. there is no way that you can have the energy for the day, if you don’t have a healthy diet. just because you eat more doesn’t mean your going to get fat, and working out that much can cause health problems. if you eat little bits throughout the day, you curb your cravings and you wont be hungry. and it is very unhealthy to eat until you feel full. start looking at healthy diets, and things you should eat, and make sure you eat protein, otherwise your going to end up in the hospital, and not be able to do anything for yourself, and possibly die.
- Comment Feed for this Post
It think 3 good meals on time and get hungry in between with no exceptions is a good policy. perhaps a bowl of cereal at bedtime for a snack.