health information
Why would my dad do this to me?! (read his email)?
Question : Why would my dad do this to me?! (read his email)?
Please, I know this is long, but I really need help with this. I’m sorry if this takes up too much of your time, but I really need help and would really appreciate it if you took the time to read and answer this…
Me and my mom are really close, and when I lived with my dad, I always called her every day to talk. Especially because my dad is not a good, helpful listener, I don’t really talk about personal stuff to him. Also, my therapists have told me that I need to ask for support when I am feeling troubled. The thing is, when I am living with my dad, I can’t because I don’t have a therapist there. (he lives halfway across the country where my mom lives). So with no therapist or my psychiatrist, and my dad never listens, I only have my mom to talk to. And I have no friends. So read his email he just sent me:
Je,
A few things that you need to understand before you come down to Texas.
1. You are going back to NY on September 6. No exceptions
2. If TX CPS contacts/calls me again while you are staying with me in the summer, then you will be on your way to NY the next day. No exceptions.
3. You will not be allowed to call your mom except for once every other week, nor your mom can call you and talk to you except when you call her. If this is breached, then you will be on your way to NY the next day. No exceptions.
4. You are allowed to text your mom.
5. My money situation is tight after 31% paycut and your hospital bill. Please understand that I will not be able to do / buy some of the things that I used to be able to afford when you were here.
I will never, ever make any concessions. So, if you think you will not be able to keep up with 1, 2 & 3, then think hard before you come down.
Dad
I am so upset! As you can see, my dad is only concerned with himself. When I was in the hospital for an eating disorder, my treatment team called Child Services on my dad for neglect and other various reasons. They sent me to live with my mom after the discharge. Now that the case has been closed, my mom wants me to live with my dad just for the summer. But I don’t think the rule that I can’t talk to my mom as much as I want is fair. I know he only wants that because he is jealous of me talking to my mom…he even admitted that to me before…plus he hates her and doesn’t want his daughter liking her either. He said I could text, but my mom never texts back…I don’t even think she has texting.
Please what should I do? I want to talk to my mom, but don’t want to be sent back to NY if I do…please help!
eating disorder treatment texas
Best answer:
Answer by Andrea
Why are you going 2 stay with him.. dont go if u dont get on!
-
-
#4 written by gorgi1971 1 year ago
if its gonna be so much of a stressful situation, why do you want to go, some of you father’s request are based on his financial situation, too much long distance calls can run your phone bill up,and don’t take sides where your parents are concerned that will drive a wedge between them which eventually trickles down to you so try and figure out whats best for you and good luck
-
#5 written by Lucy 1 year ago
sweetie i’m so sorry that’s really awful of your dad to say
email him back and tell him he has no right to influence how often you can speak to your mother. he also has no right to try and make you feel guilty about your eating disorder and your hospital bill as a result of it.
if your dad refuses to listen, you could ask your mum or even your therapist to speak to him and tell him what a negative effect he is having. if he doesn’t listen to that then maybe it isn’t woth the upset and you shouldn’t even go to texas
good luck sweet, i hope it turns out well for you! xx
-
#6 written by GerberaMom 1 year ago
Well, whatever his reasons for saying what he did, he’s made himself very clear. He’s going to make your stay with him as miserable as possible. It is totally wrong for him to try to control who you talk to. That would be the nail in the coffin for me, especially if I had the issues that you do. I don’t feel the love in his Email.
Why does your mother think you should spend the summer with him? To give her a break? Have you showed her his Email? Does she mind the restrictions he’s place on you? As a mother, I would have a problem with anyone telling my kids they couldn’t call me when the need to!!!
I agree with the other that said perhaps you need to grab the Texas longhorn by the horns and find some way that you can make yourself and your mother happy staying right in NY. You should look into getting a volunteer job which would get you out of the house, some independance, and may even help you get a feel for something that you might have a career interest in. Explore all of the possibilities and keep your mother in the loop. When she sees you are taking an active interest in taking care of yourself, maybe she’ll relent.
Going to Texas sounds like it would be a worst case scenario and dealing with your father will be a whole other ball of wax. If you end up having to go, make the best of it by trying to be a big help around the place and not what he might think of you as ‘leaching’ off of him to put it bluntly.
-
#7 written by d2poolplaya 1 year ago
Look bud, I would stay with your mom, and not go down there.
If he cant let you talk to your mom then thats his problem.
If that is something that is comforts you and is suggested by a therapist then he needs to support you.
I have a son who lives with his mom, they live across the us. I go get him , he calls his mom whenever and whereever he wants. The only one time that I didnt let him was late at night, and I knew his mom had to work.
Show your mom the email though. -
#8 written by Precious Gem 1 year ago
Your dad has many issues which he seems to
be taking out on you. Since he has stated that
he now has financial problems I have an easy out
for you. Show the e-mail to your mom and tell
her you don’t want to be a financial burden on him so you don’t want to stay with him until his money situation improves. Hopefully your mom will listen and see things your way. Ask your mom if you can just call him once a week just to keep in touch. -
#9 written by Sybil 1 year ago
Will you have internet access? You could e-mail mom. Talk to mom, did you show her the e-mail? Explain that you need her to text you back if you cannot call her. Tell her how much you need her advice and support and that you just need to have communication with her. Maybe set up a time, for example: at 6pm each day, we will text back and forth for 20 minutes.
Do you have your own cell phone? Is your dad going to be watching you constantly, how will he know if you are talking to mom? (make sure you constantly erase the records on your phone on calls made) -
#12 written by la_actriz 1 year ago
Wow, i’m so sorry about your situation.
Are you able to email your mom?
Think long and hard if you want to really stay with your dad all summer. is it truely going ot be fun and worth not talking to your mom
have you told your mom about the email? she migh help you with everything and give you advice.
You could ask your mom to make sure to text back after telling her waht your dad said.
Maybe will your at your dad’s you could go to a store or gas station and call your mother from there. Make up an excuss to leave for a while.
Just because your dad doesn’t like your mom, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t. Always remember that.
Hope this helped and that your situation gets better!
-
#13 written by ashley 1 year ago
Why put yourself in the situation of possibly being sent back…why not stay home where you are happy with your mom. Sounds like your dad doesnt want you there with him that you are going to be to much of a hassle if he really wanted to see you then he wouldnt of given you rules well rules like this in order for you to visit him. I can understand a curfew no drinking so on and so forth but come on you cant talk to your mother for 3 months thats a little harsh. Write or call him telling him that you would love to come visit him but you dont like the fact that you will have to walk around on egg shells worrying whether you will be handed a ticket back home at any time. You have to do what you think is best though visit your dad with the stupid rules or stay with your mom and enjoy your summer!
-
#14 written by I love you.. 1 year ago
thats kind of what happened to me lol
my dad gets jealous cuz i talk to my mom a lot and he gets really mad that i never call him.you can talk to your mom, he shouldnt tell u not to. talk to him about it and start subjects so he doesnt feel jealous and then maybe hell let u talk to her, u can email her, and text her. if u dont think u can handle not calling her then dont go to him, i wouldnt like it if my dad set up all those rules when i came there -_-
best of luck!
-
#15 written by catlover3 1 year ago
Stay in NY, don’t go down to Texas. It sounds like your father doesn’t even want you there (I’m sorry, that’s a terrible thing to say but that’s what it sounds like from the e-mail). If you are in need of counseling and have had eating disorders in the past and you need someone to talk to, then you need the support that you obviously only get when you are living with your mom in NY. You will not get the support you need living with your dad in Texas, so just don’t bother going down there at all. If he’s willing to send you back at the slightest hint of a problem, then he’s not really willing to take care of you and deal with anything you may be going through. Honestly, just stay in NY with your mother, you’ll be much better off and you can continue to receive support from her and your therapists.
If your mom needs a break for the summer, ask if you can stay with a friend or another family member who lives near your mom so you can talk to her whenever you need to. Or go to summer camp, but again you should stay close to home where you can get the support you need from your mother.
- Comment Feed for this Post
dont go to your dads. if you do go tell him your prego and he will get you everything you want.