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Could somebody please tell me how i can improve this paragraph of my english?
Question : Could somebody please tell me how i can improve this paragraph of my english?
Hi i would be very grateful if somebody could read through this and tell me how it can be improved.
As Eddie and Rodolpho’s relationship becomes even more volatile, this leads to displays of masculinity. This is shown throughout the dinner scene where Eddie attempts to make Rodolpho appear weak and effeminate. Its starts off with a boxing match, where Eddie claims that he is simply teaching Rodolpho some basic, soft boxing, but this quickly turns into a situation of great tension and aggression. “He feints with his left hand and lands with his right. It mildly staggers Rodolpho. Marco rises”. Here the audience can tell that this punch Eddie gave Rodolpho was obviously far stronger than needed to be. It is clear that Eddie did this, not because he wanted to teach Rodolpho how to box, but because he needed to release anger by lashing out on the one person he feels deserves it most. As the tension becomes greater, Marco, Rodolpho’s older, stronger brother steps in. Although this no place to start an argument, he can however make Eddie feels just as weak and pathetic. He does this by showing himself to be more dominant and powerful by lifting a chair above his head. “He kneels, grasps and with strain slowly raises the chair higher and higher, getting to his feet now”, then the stage directions continue: “Marco is face to face with Eddie, a strained tension gripping his eyes and jaw”. The stage directions show us how Marco was able to lift a chair above his head; proving that he had the qualities of man. He may have done this so that Eddie can be perceived as inferior to him. As a result of belittling him in his own home, Eddies pride was significantly damaged, leaving him nothing but hostile feelings to both Rodolpho and Marco. This would now mean that pride is the sole dictator in the forth coming events.
pride lift chairs
Best answer:
Answer by Jake
Use more discription on how the character feels and use metaphors and similes…otherwise good job…well written
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#2 written by Summer 1 year ago
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As Eddie and Rodolpho’s relationship becomes even more volatile, this leads to displays of masculinity. This is shown throughout the dinner scene. In which, Eddie attempts to make Rodolpho appear weak and effeminate. It starts off with a boxing match, where Eddie claims that he is simply teaching Rodolpho some basic, soft boxing. But this quickly turns into a situation of great tension and aggression. “He feints with his left hand and lands with his right. It mildly staggers Rodolpho. Marco rises”. Here the audience can tell that this punch Eddie gave Rodolpho was obviously far stronger than needed to be. It is clear that Eddie did this, not because he wanted to teach Rodolpho how to box, but because he needed to release anger by lashing out on the one person he feels deserves it most. As the tension becomes greater, Marco, Rodolpho’s older, stronger brother, steps in. Although this no place to start an argument, he can, however, make Eddie feel just as weak and pathetic. *He does this by showing himself to be more dominant and powerful. He re-enforces this by lifting a chair above his head.* “He kneels, grasps and with strain slowly raises the chair higher and higher, getting to his feet now”, then the stage directions continue: “Marco is face to face with Eddie, a strained tension gripping his eyes and jaw”. The stage directions show us how Marco was able to lift a chair above his head; proving that he had the qualities of man. He may have done this so that Eddie can be perceived as inferior to him. As a result of belittling him in his own home, Eddie’s pride was significantly damaged, leaving him nothing but hostile feelings to both Rodolpho and Marco. This would now mean that pride is the sole dictator in the forth coming events.
I changed some grammar and a sentence in the middle, marked by * . . . *
Hope this helps x